Archive for the ‘satire and caricature’ Category

Honestly real and serious drawing

Contemporary art is caught in a downward spiral. And do you know why? Computers! Since digital tools made drawing as easy as clicking on a computer mouse, every nitwit thinks he can draw and everything became a joke.

Still, there is an alternative. That’s why I am starting a little series of blog posts, giving you the power to set you and your art apart from the rest. But be warned: On that way we’ll have to follow some strict rules. Stray but a little and you might fail miserably. Ready? Okay, here is the rule for today:

Rule Nr.1: Always Be Serious

A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. And that’s also true for the draughtsman. Now, how to be serious while drawing? Well, creative work is a long chain of decisions. Make them honestly and with a sense of truth in your heart.

One of your first decisions on your way is: which tool do you use? If you set your mind on doing serious work, you need a serious tool. And serious tools are made in Germany (where else?). Have a look at these:

Tools for real honest drawing

These are “Wilhelm Brandenburg: Peitschen mit Knoblauch” and “Mini-Schinkenknacker” – perfect German drawing tools!

But you also need to know how to wield them. Have a look:

Sausage wielding

See? that’s a proper way to draw, giving you perfect control in every direction.

Now let’s start with the drawing. I am using the “Peitschen with Knoblauch” for the first sketch, deepening the outlines with the broader strokes from the “Mini-Schinkenknacker” in the second pass:

Seriously drawing with sausages

Once your work reached a state nearing perfection you have to make a photograph of the drawing with the tools lying next to it. This way you are properly documenting your god-like skills and nobody can doubt the fact, that you have drawn this picture with these tools:

Final Sausage Image

Scene 01

Mobile phones are ringing. People are talking about their insignificant lives,
feigning interest in each others experiences.

                    VOICE OF THE HERO, MALE
        Maybe I am really a shaman, a medium. Chosen
        to tell the lesser beings, those who are not
        spiritually gifted, what needs to be done in 
        the dark days to come.
        Maybe I am here to protect them from themselves.

        Or maybe I am just plain insane. Huhahahaha.

Oh, My Princess ..

oh my princess, eula, knight

The Tourette Programming Language

tourette programming languageIt goes without saying, that some programmers are having a hard time handling emotions. One reason for this is the purely rational style of programming languages. When it comes to software development the mere word “expression” is stripped off its emotional value, being left only with a petty logical meaning.

Programming, in a emotionally enriched way

We definitely need to change this! We need to free the emotional part. We must reinstate it as the equal partner of rational thinking within the realm of software development.

With an emotionally enhanced programming language developers will be twice as productive. Why? Because the old reason-driven programming languages only make use of the left hemisphere of the brain. Emotionally enhanced languages are using the right as well as the left half!

A first step would be to allow the emotion most prevalent in the developers mind (anger) to be expressed easily and as naturally as possible.

For example, take a look at the following lines written in Java:

    final Asshole you = new Asshole();

And now compare this to the same code written in tourette:

    Fuck off, you asshole!

All the verbose clutter of Java is gone – leaving only the pure emotional expression!

Programming beyond language

But we shouldn’t limit the art of programming to the written word! Remember, we’ve already got gesture recognition. And almost every computer has a webcam. Soon we’ll be seeing developers taking acting courses to improve their coding skills. I already see a lot of programmers gesticulate in front of their computers.

Imagine this concept applied to pair programming! It will lift development to a whole new level of emotionally enriched experiences.

And agile development with scrum will also be improved. Now the development team doesn’t produce increments any longer, but excrements!

The possibilities are endless …

Anxiety Engineering

Our interview partner today is Prof. Dr. Dr. h.c. Manfred Pain. He is CEO of the institute for applied anxiety at the German Center for Advanced Dread (GCAD), founder of the Psycho-Economic Association for Increased Profits (PEAIP) and author of the consulting bible “FearForward”.

Prof. Dr. Manfred Pain, anxiety engineer Prof. Pain, usually psychologists are trying to free their clients from anxieties. How is your method different from this?

Prof. Pain: It’s a shift of perspective. Take a look at the evolutionary function of fear – it’s really beneficial. These feelings helped our species to survive. But we aren’t living in Neaderthal anymore, are we? In our modern world we have a lot less of wild animals threatening our lifes. And often these psychic forces aren’t helping, but hindering people.

Prof. Pain: You are totally right. And these forces are extremely powerful. That’s why traditional psychotherapy, as we see it today, is really wasting away a tremendous amount of psychic energy. … and you found a way to preserve this energy?

Prof. Pain: Better. We can redirect it. It’s a bit like judo. We call this approach “functional fear”. How does this work?

Prof. Pain: First we need to screen the psyche of the individual. We are exploring its deepest fears and searching for their triggers. These are events or things to whom the anxiety is attached to. Some methods from psychoanalysis come in handy at this point. So, you are using classic methods?

Prof. Pain: Where appropriate, yes. Initially it’s really listening a lot, but we also have to prove our findings to be utilizable. This is where modern technology is added to the process: we are using augmented reality tools to test our findings. First the individual is being exposed to every day situations. Then we are augmenting these scenes with anxiety triggers. Indeed we are tuning the condition in order maximize the psychological reaction, mixing the existing triggers with the desired new triggers. Critics called this “artificial hallucinations”. It must be a horror for the person going through this.

Prof. Pain: It’s a neccessary evil – we need to make sure the mechanism works well. For after we have implemented the new triggers into the individuals actual living environment, it’s quite a lot of work to readjust them. Can you give an example?

Prof. Pain: Yes, of course. One of our first clients was a woman suffering from adiposity. No diet really worked for her, since her willpower was lacking. But she was lucky! We found that she had a very well developed fear of spiders. So we amplifed it a bit and joined the old trigger, spiders, with the desired new triggers: sandwiches, cakes, ice cream, etc. And this worked?

Prof. Pain: Do you see the billboard over there? You mean the lingerie advertising with this super hot babe?

Prof. Pain: Yes – the model you see there is our client. Amazing!

Prof. Pain: Fascinating, yes, but this was only a proof of concept. The full power of our method shows when applied to larger groups. Multinational companies for example. You can’t really put all employees of a multinational company on the couch, can you?

Prof. Pain: No. And we don’t need to. We can work with some abstractions in this environment. Remember: we are talking about work. It’s an anxiety engineers El Dorado! Could you illustrate this a bit more?

Prof. Pain: Sure. At first we need to know what our client needs. We need to identify the key behaviour, which, when implemented, leads to the desired outcome by applying our methods to the companies employees. Don’t you think that this is ethically problematic?
artificial hallucination

Prof. Pain: It’s 100% legal. I like to compare it to topography – imagine a height map, where the height is the amount of fear generated by a certain situation, person or trigger. Usually the peaks are somewhere around bosses, clients and such ilk.
Employees are like water. With the proper anxiety engineering in place we simply make sure that the altitude of the surrounding area is much, much higher. Yet, to them it looks like they still can go wherever they want. How would this look like being implemented?

Prof. Pain: That depends upon the situation. Controlling the media is key in any case. The people must be made to feel like they are on the brink of an economic catastrophe. Or rather an economic apocalypse which will end all civilization. But don’t be too specific or you might create doubts.
On a micro level methods can involve the design of pension plans or even marital issues. Make sure your male employees have dreadful wives and they will be longer at work. With all the gloom and pressure building up, won’t you risk suicides among the employees?

Prof. Pain: This can indeed be a problem. But it mustn’t. See, if employees are cheap as dirt you simply open the door and let the next willing idiot in. Some big players in the advertising industry developed this tactic to perfection. They are telling their unpaid interns that having the name of their slaver listed in their cv is a sign of excellence. It’s really funny what people are willing to do when they are suffering from dyscalculia (laughs). What if you can’t substitute employees so easily?

Prof. Pain: Just apply the same technique: If we want to restrain the employees from committing suicide we simply need to put something in place that makes suicide look worse than their living conditions. Religion can be very useful in this case. If they believe suicide will condemn them to eternal suffering, suffering only one single lifetime looks certainly better.
Or getting their families and children into the deal might work as well. Really, the possibilites are endless, even within legal bounds (laughs). Prof. Pain, thank you for your time and insights.

Prof. Pain: No problem, thanks for having me here.

[Yes, this is satirical]

Corporate Fauna

The Irrelephant - Corporate Fauna

Consulting Revisited


This is a colored drawing of a sketch I did in 2010 – I found the idea to be still valid and since I had some software-, hardware- and skillware-upgrades in the meantime, I thought it might be worth a second shot ­čśÇ

Dreiste Lebensmittell├╝ge


Emotional Economics I

The Strange Feeling Of Being Misallocated, (c) 2011 Ingmar Drewing

Innovative Agriculture

Due to staggering advances in genetic engineering, we’ll soon be able to have a completely sustainable christmas. The advantages of the so-called basmati christmas tree are amazing:

  • once you are through with christmas just take the needles (read: rice), make a nice meal out of them and reuse the wooden parts as chop sticks – this way nothing needs to be thrown away
  • it’s already white, so you don’t need (artificial) snow
  • if you’re unsure which christmas present you need to bestow on ,for example, your spouse, just find a nice rice bowl
Basmati Christmas Tree, (c) 2010 Ingmar Drewing

The Basmati Christmas Tree