November 27th, 2013

Love Actually


Have you ever asked yourself if the girl by your side really loves you? Yes? A lot of Germans did so, too – that’s why it’s part of the German legal system. Yes, we are so thorough that we even made laws to test love!

The parts concerning the test are all interwoven into the laws of marriage in Germany. As you might expect this is – like anything concerning German law – ridiculously, mind-numbingly complicated (though not as complicated as the German tax system, which is a role model for the seven circles of hell). In a nutshell it’s like this:

If you are a man and you couldn’t avoid the blunder to get married in Germany, the law effectively turns you into a slave of your wife. Because, if you would ever dare to get divorced, you would have to pay for her until the end of time (we call this financial romanticism).

Now, put yourself in the female perspective and imagine your partner proposes to become your property. Given that you are aware of the implications and actually do own a conscience – and given also that there is a true bond of love between the two of you: what would be your answer?

Well, of course, your answer would be a clear and happy “No!”.

And that’s why every denied proposal of marriage is indeed a very happy event in Germany.

[This might be satirical]